Lesson of the day

Lesson of the day: desperation blocks confidence and success

Feel Excited!

I heard this tip from Joyce Meyer a few weeks ago: you should wake up every day feeling excited and thankful for what God will do to you and through you today. 

(see this video on 16:12 for the complete teaching)

For the last few weeks I have tried to do that.

I never felt super excited, I felt more like happy. But I always tried to do the exercise. And every day, a small but nice thing would happen to me.

Yesterday, I was thinking about how ugly the outside was (while in the subway) when we passed through a patch of grass full of flowers. It was as if God had listened to me and said "look, it's not that ugly". I felt like He had put those flowers there just for me.

Then today, I woke up feeling super excited. I feel/know that something amazing will happen in my life. It's something big that will make me very happy and will change my life forever.

The level of excitement that I feel right now is much bigger than what I've felt throughout these past weeks of doing the exercise.

I believe a big part of what I feel today is because I have been training my "emotional muscle" for weeks to feel excited every day. It's the famous American saying "fake it till you make it". I've noticed many times that the saying works.

I am so excited that I have no doubts that this amazing change will happen in my life. That is how powerful my faith has become (probably because of me doing the exercise every day for weeks).

My suggestion for you? Follow Joyce's advice and do the exercise daily.

Living in Trust

Image: openclipart

Today I want to talk about a revelation I had a while ago: live in trust, in all aspects of your life.


Before I talk about living in trust, however, I want to talk about 2 ways we don't live in trust.


Trust vs. Control


The first one is to live trying to control your fate.

For the past 4 years I had been living trying desperately to control my fate:

• trying to control my professional fate by looking desperately for a job - sending 100s of resumes to all the job postings I could find
• trying to control my financial fate by accepting a low-paying job - because I was desperate for any income.
• continuing to try to control my financial fate by working tirelessly on side projects - hoping they would become more profitable than my current low-paying job.
• trying to control the fate of a relationship by trying to get a person close to me at any cost - I even tried bribing them by promising to pay for their tuition if they came to study where I live.
• continuing to try to control my financial fate by looking desperately for cheaper places to live - looking at real estate listings every single day, calculating how much I would pay for taxes, transportation, etc.

When you live in control, you are not living in trust. You don't trust that that your future will be positive unless you take control.

Trust vs. Fear

The second way that we don't live in trust is when we live in fear.
Fear is related to control.
I see fear as an attempt to control the future.

A few months ago, I used to live in fear:

• fear that the person who had drifted away from me would never come back - so I kept trying to control them and bring them back.
• fear that I would not be worthy of love (from myself and others) if I didn't keep my house sparkling clean 100% of the time - so I spent all my free time cleaning and doing other house chores.
• fear of getting some deadly disease - so I would freak out at any strange symptom I would have and run to the doctor.

Getting out of the pit

The stress from all that fear and need to control snowballed into anxiety and panic attacks. I brought myself out of that horrible emotional state with a lot of hard work - and no medication.

One of the main pillars of my healing was focusing on myself. Instead of trying to control my exterior circumstances, I shifted my attention to understanding what was happening in my mind.

After I understood the fears behind my need to control, I then worked on changing my negative thoughts and behaviours.

That boosted my self-esteem, and I had more consistent faith. I felt confident that whatever happened in my life, I would be ok. I would survive.

And that's when everything started changing:

• When I stopped trying to get a person to love me (and instead focused on loving myself) they started showing me love. 
• When I stopped trying to get love from performing chores (and loved myself for who I am regardless of performance) I suddenly had free time to enjoy life.
• When I stopped running to the doctor to get a sense of security (and kept challenging my catastrophic thinking), I felt as healthy as a horse.

Living in Trust

Then, a while ago, I realised the connection between all the changes listed above: I was living in trust. And when, I did that, I finally got what I wanted. I didn't get it by trying to control my circumstances, but rather by trusting [God] that things would work out in my favour. I focused on love, inner peace and personal growth, and the rest took care of itself [or, God took care of the rest].

Following that, I had a revelation: I should trust God in every aspect of my life. Instead of trying to control my circumstances and trusting that my efforts will bring me what I want, it's better to live in Love and trust that God will bring me what I want.

• If I want a better job, I should meet people in my network and talk to them about what I want. Then trust that God will use the people in my life to bring me a better job.
• If I want to improve my financial situation, I should talk to people about what I would like my life to be like. Then let God work through them to give me suggestions or even put me in touch with someone who wants to help me financially. 
• If I want to get someone close to me, I should focus on defining what kind of relationship I want. Then trust that God will put the right person (possibly not the one I originally asked for) in my life.
• If I want to give myself love, I should do what makes me happy. Then trust that I will be in such a good mood that chores won't feel as stressful or time consuming.
• If I want to believe that I'm healthy, I should focus on all the times the doctor said I was fine. Then trust that I am really ok.

The key is focusing on love and peace, and trusting that God/the Universe will work things out in your favour. When you live in fear of losing something, it is much harder to get what you want. When you live in peace and trust that things will work out, they usually do.

So next time you are afraid, just focus on love and inner peace, and trust that things will work out.

Quote of the Day

Quote of the Day: Godly character is an invaluable quality, worth far more than anything you could gain or lose by compromising your convictions - Charles F. Stanley.

Circumstancial vs Consistent Faith

About 4 years ago, I was going through a very tough time emotionally and stumbled across this teaching:

First, I need to clarify one of terms I will use in this article. The speaker in the video uses the term biblical faith. I prefer using consistent faith because its not attached to any religion. Therefore, even people who are not religious can still understand what I want to say - and hopefully create a better life for themselves after reading this article.

Ok, now we can start.

Types of Faith

Basically, there are 2 types of faith: circumstantial faith and consistent faith.

Circumstantial Faith: you have more or less hope based on your circumstances.

In other words, if your life is going great and you don't have any major problems, it's easy for you to hope for the best, and to have faith that your future will be great. You are very confident in your ability to overcome any problems in the present and the future.

On the other hand, if you are going through challenges (loss of job, end of relationship, etc) you have less faith or hope that things will work out. You don't see how things can get better. You feel hopeless and lost. You don't believe in your ability to overcome problems.

Consistent Faith: you have the same amount of faith, regardless of what is happening in your life right now. You trust that things will work out, regardless of how hard things seem at the moment. If you are going through life challenges, you believe that somehow, in some way, things will work out in the end. It's not to say that you won't feel afraid, but you feel confident that things will end up ok.

Self-Esteem and Faith

Most people who have a low self-esteem, operate in circumstantial faith. If life is good, they believe in themselves and believe that they can overcome their problems. But if a problem arises, they lose confidence in themselves. If they are criticized or put down, they immediately loose their confidence. The moment they feel unloved by one person, their whole world comes crumbling down.

People who have high self esteem, are not so easily affected by their circumstances. Independently of what happens to them, they remain in a consistently positive emotional state. If they just ended a relationship, sure they do feel sad. But they know that they still have other people in their lives who love them. They keep things in perspective. Their world doesn't fall apart. (It took me many years and many break-ups to get to that point!)

What is the difference? The person with high self-esteem does not let their circumstances dictate their self-confidence and hope. Sure they also feel sad and discouraged, but they believe that everything will turn out ok in the end. The stronger a person's self-esteem, the better they are remaining hopeful in times of trouble.

Strength through Religion

I have met people who have consistent faith. They were also very religious. I was attracted to them for their kindness, and had opportunities to witness their hopefulness. Even though they were going through major problems in their lives, they had a smile on their face. They had no doubts that things would end up working out ok.

For example, I once met a baptist  lady who had just been diagnosed with skin cancer. However, she continued to enjoy life, laugh and encourage her friends (me being one of them). She faced the diagnosis with courage and faith that everything would be fine. Her faith was blind, she never even questioned (at least not on conversations with me) whether things would turn out ok in the end. She just knew that they would.

I always admired people like. I admired them for their courage, and always wished I could be the same way. When I found the teaching above, it helped me understand the difference between myself and them:  I had a very low-self esteem and operated in circumstantial faith.

Throughout my life, I have strengthened my self-esteem with self-analysis, journaling, reading about psychology, etc. When I found that video, it gave me a hint that maybe there was another way to do that. I could have improve my self-esteem through religion.

Therefore, I'm sharing this because it might help someone who is looking for more faith and more hope.

Conclusion

The point is: try to have more consistent faith instead of circumstantial faith.

I'm not saying it's easy. But if you can understand the difference, and start trying to switch from circumstantial faith to consistent fath, then you have already taken a huge step.

You might also find Part 3 of that lesson to be helpful.

Lesson of the day

Face a small fear with a positive attitude and trust that God will take care of you. The fear you have might not even materialize.