Monday, September 15, 2014

Living in Trust

Image: openclipart

Today I want to talk about a revelation I had a while ago: live in trust, in all aspects of your life.

Before I talk about living in trust, however, I want to talk about 2 ways we don't live in trust.

Trust vs. Control

The first one is to live trying to control your fate.

For the past 4 years I had been living trying desperately to control my fate:
  • trying to control my professional fate by looking desperately for a job - sending 100s of resumes to all the job postings I could find
  • trying to control my financial fate by accepting a low-paying job - because I was desperate for any income.
  • continuing to try to control my financial fate by working tirelessly on side projects - hoping they would become more profitable than my current low-paying job.
  • trying to control the fate of a relationship by trying to get a person close to me at any cost - I even tried bribing them by promising to pay for their tuition if they came to study where I live.
  • continuing to try to control my financial fate by looking desperately for cheaper places to live - looking at real estate listings every single day, calculating how much I would pay for taxes, transportation, etc.

When you live in control, you are not living in trust. You don't trust that that your future will be positive unless you take control.

Trust vs. Fear

The second way that we don't live in trust is when we live in fear.
Fear is related to control.
I see fear as an attempt to control the future.

A few months ago, I used to live in fear:
  • fear that the person who had drifted away from me would never come back - so I kept trying to control them and bring them back.
  • fear that I would not be worthy of love (from myself and others) if I didn't keep my house sparkling clean 100% of the time - so I spent all my free time cleaning and doing other house chores.
  • fear of getting some deadly disease - so I would freak out at any strange symptom I would have and run to the doctor.

Getting out of the pit

The stress from all that fear and need to control snowballed into anxiety and panic attacks. I brought myself out of that horrible emotional state with a lot of hard work - and no medication.

One of the main pillars of my healing was focusing on myself. Instead of trying to control my exterior circumstances, I shifted my attention to understanding what was happening in my mind.

After I understood the fears behind my need to control, I then worked on changing my negative thoughts and behaviours.

That boosted my self-esteem, and I had more consistent faith. I felt confident that whatever happened in my life, I would be ok. I would survive.

And that's when everything started changing:
  • When I stopped trying to get a person to love me (and instead focused on loving myself) they started showing me love. 
  • When I stopped trying to get love from performing chores (and loved myself for who I am regardless of performance) I suddenly had free time to enjoy life.
  • When I stopped running to the doctor to get a sense of security (and kept challenging my catastrophic thinking), I felt as healthy as a horse.

Living in Trust

Then, a while ago, I realised the connection between all the changes listed above: I was living in trust. And when, I did that, I finally got what I wanted. I didn't get it by trying to control my circumstances, but rather by trusting [God] that things would work out in my favour. I focused on love, inner peace and personal growth, and the rest took care of itself [or, God took care of the rest].

Following that, I had a revelation: I should trust God in every aspect of my life. Instead of trying to control my circumstances and trusting that my efforts will bring me what I want, it's better to live in Love and trust that God will bring me what I want.

  • If I want a better job, I should meet people in my network and talk to them about what I want. Then trust that God will use the people in my life to bring me a better job.
  • If I want to improve my financial situation, I should talk to people about what I would like my life to be like. Then let God work through them to give me suggestions or even put me in touch with someone who wants to help me financially. 
  • If I want to get someone close to me, I should focus on defining what kind of relationship I want. Then trust that God will put the right person (possibly not the one I originally asked for) in my life.
  • If I want to give myself love, I should do what makes me happy. Then trust that I will be in such a good mood that chores won't feel as stressful or time consuming.
  • If I want to believe that I'm healthy, I should focus on all the times the doctor said I was fine. Then trust that I am really ok.
The key is focusing on love and peace, and trusting that God/the Universe will work things out in your favour. When you live in fear of losing something, it is much harder to get what you want. When you live in peace and trust that things will work out, they usually do.

So next time you are afraid, just focus on love and inner peace, and trust that things will work out.

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